Sunday, April 1, 2012

Walk through walls

Image: Frank the mouse steps through a portal (from the video game "Portal") holding a portal gun in his right hand, which he is steadying with his left hand. Caption:
Could scientists be “thinking with portals”?

Physicists of the University of Athens have discovered a controversial mechanism that may allow people to walk through walls. Curiously, what has created the controversy is not whether it is safe or whether it violates the laws of physics; it’s the fact that the invention has been around for a long time.

The mechanism would allow people to walk from one side of a wall (or any physical barrier for that matter) to the other seamlessly; as if the barrier weren’t there. Such technology could completely change the way walls are built.

“Walls will no longer serve as an obstacle,” says a professor who has chosen to remain anonymous. “Since people would be able to use these devices, they won’t have to stop at the wall, nor be forced to find a way around it. The implications of this are mesmerizing, especially in the field of personal transportation. And,” he adds after a nervous pause, “in security.”

But even the security issues pale before the complaints from historians and archaeologists. “These so-called scientists haven’t invented anything new!” says Dr. Herod Bodrum. “Remains of their so-called mechanism have been found in many of the ‘lost’ civilizations –including those of the Tigris river valley– and they want to claim it as their own? If you ask me, the Greeks are just trying to cover up their internal problems!”

Dr. Bodrum is not alone in his complaints; Dr. Antipatros Sidon has also published strong evidence against the originality of the device. However, he was unavailable for comment.

The Athenian professors explain the device through the steps required for its construction:
  1. First. a portal is built on one side of the wall. This portal becomes the “entrance”. The scientists would not provide any details on the nature of the portal except by saying that actual construction must be performed.
  2. An equivalent portal is built on the other side; this will become the “exit”.
  3. A frame is constructed around both portals. The two frames must be joined through the vastness of space.
  4. The device is then attached to the frame, completing it. Again, the physicists offered no details on the nature of the device.
  5. A handle is attached to the device to allow manipulating it by hand.

Because the device is human-powered, it is extremely environmental-friendly. Indeed, only a swinging motion is required for a person to be able to traverse the barrier and emerge through the “exit” portal.

They’re calling them “doors”.

1 comment:

  1. A little late in saying this, I know, but I hope you enjoyed my little April Fools :-)